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Social Worker/M.A. Counseling |
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“Hope and A
Future” |
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I grew up
outside of Detroit, Michigan, an only child in a secular Jewish home
in a predominately Jewish community. My mother had been exposed to anti-Semitism as a child. She used to tell me stories about seeing signs outside of rental homes
that read, "No colored, No pets, No Jews".
As a result, she and my dad shielded me in this town known as
"Little Israel" and I knew little of the larger gentile world.
My parents were non-practicing Jews, but I was bar-mitzvaed out of
respect for my grandparents. Looking
back, I'm sure that my five years of Hebrew school gave me some understanding of
God and the scriptures, but the temple services had little meaning for me. I can remember feeling outraged that people had to buy tickets to worship
God on the High Holy Days. At the
age of thirteen, I decided that
there was no good reason to be "religious", and my parents didn't
require it of me. But I do remember
praying to God as a child. This
always seemed more real to me than any ritualistic practices. There was much dysfunction in my family stemming from the ‘trickle
down’ emotional effects of a mentally ill grandmother.
My mother was emotionally crippled from the stress of her struggles with
her own mother. My father was a
somewhat rigid disciplinarian
whose primary role was to prop up my mother emotionally.
Without the healing grace of God in our lives, our interactions became
filled with blame, guilt, and power struggles as I entered my teenage years.
I became increasingly withdrawn, angry, rebellious, lonely, and
depressed. I would go for weeks at
a time without talking to my parents, and my social development with peers came
to a standstill. My dad, out of
ignorance, bought me a subscription to Playboy magazine thinking it would
encourage a healthy appreciation for sex and women.
Instead, it laid the seeds for a twenty-year struggle with pornography
and sexual addiction.
Like many of those struggling with emotional issues, I was drawn to
psychology and eventually graduated with a master's degree in counseling in
1977. Unfortunately, I was pretty
useless as a counselor, as my head knowledge could not compensate for the
internal turmoil I lived with every day of my life.
In 1979, in typical fashion, I coldly announced to my parents that I was
moving to California and off I went. |
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I lived at
the beach in Los Angeles and pursued many activities including body surfing,
strip clubs, cocaine use, camping, dating (ad nauseum), etc…
Moments of laughter and stimulation could not affect a life devoid of
intimacy, hope, or real love. I
became increasingly cynical (albeit humorously) and bound by lust. Nihilistic music and politics became increasingly attractive to me and my
mouth was an open sewer of bitterness and profanity. |
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In the midst of a life of emotional squalor and physical dissipation, God
was preparing my frigid heart and speaking to me through the faithful prayers
and witness of many Gentile Christians he put in my path. One such friend was a female co-worker who introduced this Jewish city
boy to camping. She showed me the
beauty of God's creation in the natural world and gave me my first taste of
Christian fellowship. As I observed
her with her Christian friends; hugging, praying, sharing, etc., I knew that
they had a sense of "family" that I knew nothing about, but
desperately wanted and needed to fill the emptiness in my soul.
Another female Christian friend and co-worker would sit with me for hours
and listen to my 'rantings' about religion, and man's inhumanity to man, etc.
She would ever so gently and gracefully tell me of her relationship to
God through Jesus and how she could know and talk with God. A third Christian gal actually dated me for awhile, (and lived to tell
about it!) and she took me to my first church service.
This church service was nothing like the Jewish synagogue I had grown up
with. It was an old warehouse
filled with people singing to God with reverence and joy. The pastor was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and playing the keyboards. The atmosphere was electric--better than any rock concert I had attended--and the sense of community was almost overwhelming.
While I didn't understand all of the words to the songs, I somehow knew
that this was the "real deal", and that you could have a spiritual
relationship with God apart from “religion”.
Shortly after my church experience, I moved to a small desert town to buy
a home and to go on a "spiritual quest", as I told my friends.
Someone gave me the book "Mere Christianity" by C. S.
Lewis, which I read and re-read. As a Jew, of course, I was confused about who
Jesus was. But Lewis’ contention that if you seriously considered Jesus’
claims, Jesus either had to be a lunatic, a liar, or God. Period. That
struck me. I then went to the
library and found “How to be Born Again” by Billy Graham. As I read this, God began to reveal to me how my brokenness was a result
of sin, how I could be free of my fear of death, and ultimately I could spend
eternity with Him. During this
time, I visited many churches. Pastors
were quick to direct me toward reciting the “sinner's prayer”, but I always
hesitated. For me, especially as a
Jew, accepting Jesus as my Savior meant giving up all that I knew and all that
felt safe to me. It had to be a
decision between myself and my God, without any prodding. One
evening, sometime in January of 1990, alone in my home, I knelt on my knees,
asked God for forgiveness for my sins, and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. While no ‘fireworks’ went off, my life immediately started to feel
different from the inside out. I
experienced a peace I had never known. To
my surprise my typical reaction to circumstances began to change as well. For instance, I can remember driving my car and passing a
policeman who was running a speed trap. My
initial thought was “That cop is there to protect me”.
This thought was shocking to me, as I used to respond with hatred and a
rebellious attitude toward any authority figure. Another time, I heard a friend and co-worker swearing and felt my ears
physically hurting, as though someone had blown a loud horn in them. Yet another time, I was watching television and saw a couple, obviously
unmarried and undressed, in bed under the covers. I immediately blushed, feeling embarrassed by the whole scene. I was having the reactions of an innocent child to the sinful, broken
things of the world. No effort on my part to be good or godly could accomplish
this. Only through the mercy of God
and the power of the Holy Spirit could I begin to experience the freedom, peace,
and joy that I had always yearned for. I
really was ‘a new creation in Messiah’. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
He
has given me a growing love for my Jewish heritage, and for the lost, both
within my immediate family and within the greater Jewish community. Although the Lord has done so much in my life, still I know that I am
‘a work in progress’. The Lord is healing my cynicism and is ever calling me
to a deeper walk with Him in the place of His presence, where the struggles of
life are overcome by the radiance of His glory and love. |
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I have been a follower of Yeshua for more
than ten years now. People who knew me before tell me I'm a different person.
God has taken a man who was without hope, and in bondage to sin and
Satan, and given him ‘a hope and a future’
(Jeremiah 29:11-13).
He has given me a lovely believing wife, Stephanie, and two wonderful daughters. The Lord has brought healing to my relationship with my parents. He has given me what I always wanted in counseling: through prayer, the ability to touch people's lives and bring healing to them. |
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| He has given me a family of believers, both Jewish and Gentile, who love
me and allow me to love them back.
To any of you dear beloved ones who might read this, please know that God
loves you and that He has the desire and the power to save, to heal, to deliver,
and to place your feet upon solid ground. The
Lord desires to show you a love beyond measure; a love that only your Heavenly
Father can give to you. Turn to Him
today! Open your heart to the Lover of your soul.
Give your life to Yeshua, that He may give you everlasting life!! |
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To contact Bruce, you may e-mail him at shaferfam4@att.net Return to "Believers' Stories"
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